Transforming Marriage Communication: Our Journey with a Simple Notebook
- Dr. Kim Fletcher
- Mar 6
- 3 min read
Updated: May 19
Ope, we’re getting real today. Marriage is a wild ride—full of love, laughter, and the occasional “I swear if you leave that butter knife on the counter one more time…” moment. But what happens when the little things start piling up, and the tough conversations feel too difficult to express out loud?
For us, the answer was a simple, beat-up school notebook.
The Challenges We Faced
At that time, life felt overwhelmingly heavy. We had just started our chiropractic practice from scratch. There was no income coming in. Bills piled up faster than we could manage. We were juggling a toddler who kept us on our toes and a newborn in our arms. Stress became a constant companion, and our marriage was feeling the weight of it all.
We knew we needed to talk. However, most conversations either spiraled into stress or were cut short by sheer exhaustion. In one of those pivotal moments, one of us (to be honest, we can’t remember who) grabbed a plain ol’ notebook and wrote something down. It started with just three things—either items we were grateful for, small wins from our day, or goals we wanted to reach. After writing, we left it for the other to read and respond.
No pressure. No expectations. Just words on paper.
How It Evolved
What began as a few sentences quickly transformed into pages filled with open and honest discussions. We wrote about our dreams, frustrations, and moments that made us laugh. We shared things that hurt and tackled the struggles we couldn’t say out loud. Writing became our refuge. It provided space to think before reacting, express without fear of judgment, and truly hear each other in a way spoken words often failed to achieve.
Valuable Lessons Learned
From our little notebook experiment, here’s what we learned:
Writing removes the heat from the moment. It's hard to lash out in a notebook. Rather than reacting impulsively, we learned to respond thoughtfully. This was a big change.
Gratitude shifts everything. On even the hardest days, finding three things to be thankful for eased our tensions.
Goals keep you moving forward. By focusing on what we wanted instead of what frustrated us, we made real progress as a couple.
It made us teammates again. The journal reminded us that we were not fighting against each other but were always fighting for each other.
How You Can Start
You don’t need a fancy guided journal (though hey, if you want one, go for it). You just need any notebook to get started. Write three things: gratitude, goals, thoughts—whatever feels right to you. Then leave it for your partner to read and respond to in their own time. There are no rules, no pressure; just a simple way to connect.
The Impact of This Practice
The act of writing in the notebook opened doors to deeper conversations that we never thought possible. Each entry became a snapshot of our journey, documenting the highs and lows of life together. The notebook served not only as a communication tool but also as a record of our growth.
What Happens Next?
Once you establish this practice, don’t be surprised by how it evolves. You might find new themes emerging in your writings. You could touch upon dreams you’ve forgotten or rekindle the excitement of shared goals. This process nurtures intimacy and strengthens your bond significantly.
In the end, carving out this time to write and reflect led us to understand the importance of patience. It taught us that quiet moments of insight often lead to the best discussions.
Try it out! You might just find that it changes everything.
Cheers,
Brandon + Kim
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